My Piece on Attraction

Apr 19, 2008 08:51AM | by Alvin Lin in Community Culture Entertainment

(I’ve been hesitant to voice or interject my opinion too much, however I will occasionally put in my thoughts on some issues, as I become inspired to do so.  Here is something I recently summarized.  It kind of ties in things that have been on my mind lately, concerning mass media, Asian American dysfunction, IR, and an empathy divide):

I think that, on average, men are more into physical looks in women, and women are more into a man’s money/power/prestige/social-value.

In a lot of ways, perceived prestige and social value is influenced by mass media ‘branding’ of men of different races. White men are constantly branded as the best, and Black males also have an image that some consider cool. Obviously, Asian American males have the crappiest perceived social value/prestige due to constant marginalization and demeaning stereotypes (such that even among Asian American women, White males who earn 24K less than Asian men receive the same level of interest according to a U-Chicago study).

While Asian fetish, objectification, and exotification of Asian women is a huge problem that I challenge whenever I see it, this is not the root cause of relationship-creation and huge IR disparities between AAM and AAF. Women of all races are hit on, all the time, by men, every single day. And it’s not like we’re cavemen who club and sleep with whoever we want, women have the power on whose advances to accept, it is up to them.

The current frustration among AA males, is threefold:
- The perceived social value/prestige of them, which affects how open women are to them (including brainwashed AA females).
- The eager willingness of some Asian and AA females to be with any White guy, regardless of quality or disproportionate attractiveness pairing, because they have been conditioned to be more willing to accept the advances of White males, since being Caucasian gives them ‘points’. This point is blatantly obvious in any affluent East Asian city sidewalk.
- The ignorance, or worse, indifference to issues concerning mass media conditioned self hate, White worship, or inferiority complex, from some Asian American women. It stings, to feel that some AAF don’t care if AAM get left behind, so long as they find their White Knight who doesn’t objectify them.

This perceived branding/prestige/social-value issue is especially important when talking about Asian American IR issues, because I would contend that Asian cultures/people are more obsessive about social status/branding (derived from historical confucian thinking) than most other people. Look at the obsession over many Asian families about which college name you get into, wearing prestigious clothing brands or handbags, what car you drive, etc… it’s not a far leap to connect this to sexual attraction and relationship pairs, and the status associated with having a ‘White trophy’.

It is disheartening to read that some AAF think that AA males who voice frustration over legit issues must have some unattractive flaws and are just bitterly scapegoating media. This is just as silly as if I said AA women who are offended that some White men fetishize and objectify them, is the fault of Asian women for something they must have done on themselves.  Using the same self deceptive, double standard logic, what if someone said these Asian women must be scantily-dressing sluts who have ‘I spread my legs submissively for any White man’ stamped on their foreheads in real life. Using this faulty logic, the Asian fetish and objectification they face is somehow their fault.

I can see how unfair it is that Asian women face certain things just because of mass media stereotypes, however for some AAF, when it comes to how Asian men face certain things due to mass media stereotypes, they somehow think we must be all unattractive ugly losers, and it is disheartening to see the indifference or apathy.

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