Dear Miss Stone,

I saw the youtube clip of your commenting to the press in Cannes about
how the recent devastating earthquake was indeed a bad karma for China
for its handling of Tibet a few months back. First of all, let me just
say that the leopard print dress you had on did not work for you. It
only accentuated your three-dollar hooker image. Next time consider
something more elegant, like ripped fish-net stockings and a halter
top.

If you think the earthquake is a bad karma for China for what it did
to the Tibetans, then karma would have screwed up big time since it
killed at least 68,000 innocent Chinese in the process, including
10,000 school kids. These victims did not decide on the policy against
Tibet, nor did they harm the Tibetans in the recent unrest that took
place in Lhasa. Girlfriend, I think you got the meaning of bad karma
wrong.

A true bad karma works like this… a washed up Hollywood actress
yacks about a natural disaster being the bad karma of what the country
has done recently. As a result, Christian Dior drops her ads throughout
that country and she loses her new movie deal. She also receives
criticisms from many respectable Asian celebrities, like Maggie Cheung and Michael Wong.
Furthermore, the country has decided to ban all of her movies. But they
need not worry about this. She hasn’t made any watchable ones since
1992. Talk about movies, you recently completed the filming of a movie
titled Five Dollars A Day. Is it about your post acting career working on Sunset Boulevard? I can’t wait to see that!

I hope my letter has provided you with a better understanding of what a
“bad karma” is as well as some useful fashion tips. It is my way of
thanking you for teaching me how to cross and uncross my leg in a
provocative manner.

Your biggest fan,

Andrew